yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
