I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
