Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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