That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
