I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
