4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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