Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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