remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize