Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
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This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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