I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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