You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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