its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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