I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
