youre lurking in front of me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
