So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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