I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
