Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
