You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
