i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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