I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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