She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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