If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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