I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
