do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
