I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
