yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
please don't ironically join a cult
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