Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
