This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I want her autograph on my taint
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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