I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
