High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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