Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
