I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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