So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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