there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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