I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
