We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
