Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
