"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
