My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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