There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
