its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
