Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
