Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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