i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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