dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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