we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
