matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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