if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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