the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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