I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
