My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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