I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
