Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
