Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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