i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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