Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My liver just had a heart attack.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
