I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
