yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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