and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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