dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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