it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
