And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
