listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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