I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
