I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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