There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
