That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
bring money and cleavage
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
