I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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