if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
