We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
