when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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